OUR CHILDREN ARE GIFTS FROM GOD -- LET'S TREAT THEM THAT WAY!!
We have a responsibility to our children, to all children. All children deserve to be protected from any form of abuse. If you feel like you are going to lose it with your children, separate yourself from the situation for a little while -- go for a walk, a drive, just go outside for a few minutes.....whatever it takes to keep from hurting your children physically or emotionally.
We also have a responsibility to raise children to be responsible adults. To understand right from wrong, the consequences of their actions. Raising children to hate is WRONG! Think about what you say and what your actions say. You were not blessed with children so that you can be their buddy, or their friend. Don't be afraid to tell a child no -- discipline is a necessary part of growing responsible children. Discipline can be done with love. If you don't know how to parent, take a class, ask for help -- whatever you need to do to learn to be a good parent. You won't regret it and your children will be better off for it.
Don't ever think that your children are too old to be disciplined, or to be held accountable for their actions. You must hold them accountable. You also must show them your love by caring enough to know what they are doing and where they are going, and who they are with, at all times. If you don't ask, they think that you don't care!
Children are never to old for physical affection either. When was the last time that you gave your teenage son a hug?? Even though he might act as if he doesn't want one -- he really does need to have them once in awhile......as another way of knowing that you love him. (This goes for girls as well, but I have found that in our society, boys tend to get less physical affection as they grow older than girls do -- because we think that they need it less. And we couldn't be more wrong!!)
Don't be in a hurry for your children to grow up. They will be grown and gone before you know it, so CHERISH them while you have them.
IF YOU SEE SOMEONE ABUSING OR NEGLECTING THEIR CHILD, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT -- CALL THE LOCAL AUTHORITIES AND REPORT THEM. PROTECT THE CHILD, NOT YOUR REPUTATION!! Hopefully, this will lead the parents to help as well. If you don't put a stop to it, there is the possibility that no one will.
Tools To Counter Abuse Raising Whole, Healthy Children
Here, we look at the tools a parent can use to create a warm, supportive home environment and prevent abusive behavior toward their children. --By Marie Dawson
If parents are to do a good job, the desire to nurture must ultimately be strong enough to transcend all others; this first desire must surpass adult needs, impulses and unresolved issues. It must especially withstand irrational actions fueled by the stresses of the day or of a single moment, which propel parents into the "horrible mistakes," in the words of Dr. McHugh that result in abuse.
Perhaps the greatest tragedy of severe child abuse is that it is so often unintentional, a momentary event, but it can forever change the course of a life. Children are maimed—or even annihilated—instantly. The harsh reality is that in the long run it does not matter that the abuse was unintentional; the fact it is irrevocable is what counts. Whether it is a wounding verbal retort or a stinging physical blow, the memory of which can maim for life, or an attack, like Kade's, that ends in a hospital emergency ward, lives are changed in a split second.
Probably the darkest truth of all is that you can love your children to death and still hurt them. Parenting is a long haul, so it behoves all parents to be as easy as you can on both your children—and yourself.
Being easy, says Dr. McHugh, means cultivating a good sense of humor and laughing more; in short, developing perspective over what you allow to annoy or irritate you. "It's good just to accept that in any lasting relationship with a child there are going to be many, many times when that child does something to upset you. Keep asking yourself: 'Is this really worth arguing about? Remember that no matter what your child does, it's your job as the parent to provide unconditional love: To be able to say: 'I am emotionally well enough to be able to give. I can do whatever the job of parenting demands of me.'"
If parents meet this wonderful but enormously challenging task of parenting with everything they can muster, the reward for each and every one is the same: It's the only one a parent wants: To raise up the fledging chick strong and healthy to its full size and then to watch it fly from the nest with wings unbroken, soaring high into the clouds of life.
Dr. Peggy McHugh's Tools to Counter Abuse
1.Make a commitment to stay in control and be aware: Consciously choose to live in the moment and not allow past feelings or future fears/anxieties to impact the present. Accept that when parents lose control with their children, emotions usually run high for many reasons, many of which have little to do with the actual behavior in hand, and the "punishment" rarely fits the "crime." Determine to stay calm, no matter how uncomfortable or strange this feels.
2.Take your anger seriously: Acknowledge that it's okay at times to feel angry or negative toward your child(ren) if they've broken the family rules, gone against your wishes or annoyed you.
Believe in your heart that it's never okay to use to translate these feelings into physical actions or verbal abuse. Resolve never to hit out. Stop whatever you're doing if you feel really angry and leave the situation. Go into your bedroom if you think you could lose control, lock the door and scream as loud as you can. If you prefer, lie on your bed, put a pillow over your head and scream. This will break the tension you feel. You might even be able to muster up a laugh.
3.Don't feel guilty or upset if you burst into tears: Allow yourself always to be human. Understand that your tears, like your anger, are signaling that something needs attention. Go to your bedroom, if you feel like crying, and have a good howl. You'll feel better after it and more able to deal with the behavior/event/episode that triggered your tears. Believe that your tears are breaking the tension of the moment. It's good to cry. It means that pent up emotions are being released and past memories are coming to the surface and need to be healed.
4.Give up the goal of being a Perfect parent: Accept that parenting is not about perfection, it's about loving well. Know that you can love well and still make mistakes. Be easy on yourself. Believe that when your child is often the least lovable, that's when s/he needs love the most. Determine to develop patience.
5.Always be VIGILENT handling babies: Bear in mind that babies cry a lot and no baby has ever died from crying. Leave the room if your baby won't stop crying and it's driving you crazy. Call your physician for support if you don't feel calmer in 10 minutes and you're on your own. Most physicians have 24-hour coverage. You'll find just talking to him/her will help. Don't go back to your baby until you have regained complete self-control. Refuse to become upset if someone else can console your baby. It's often hurtful to a mom if she can't get her baby to stop crying and someone else can. Never take anything your baby does personally.
6.Develop an internal sense of what you can handle: Prepare in advance to meet those big projects. If you have a deadline, a paper that's due at college or a presentation to give, arrange for your child(ren) to have a sleepover so you don't have to scramble the morning of the event. Barter with another working mom to watch your kids the evening before the event in return for the same favor when she needs help.
7.Give yourself downtime when you come home from work: Even if it's only for 20 minutes, it's important to have a break between the end of your working day and the beginning of your evening. You'll instantly feel better. If your children clamor for something to eat, give them a quick snack (even better, have snacks already prepared), then go into your bedroom, sit down, put your feet up and take a couple of slow, deep breaths. If your kids are very young, stay in the living room with them but sit down and close your eyes for at least 10 minutes. Tell them: "Mommy doesn't feel very well. Just give me 10 minutes." Time a clock for 10 minutes so they can see it or use a sand dial. They'll be so fascinated watching the sand they'll forget all about you.
8.Make sure laughter is a big part of every day: Laughing regularly means you have less time to get annoyed, upset or angry. Laughter is good for your sanity and the sanity of your children. Smile at your child(ren) whenever you see them. Make it a family rule that you share at least one belly laugh with your child(ren) every day.
9.Become acqauinted with the facts of good discipline: Develop discipline that teaches your child(ren) how to avoid repeating misbehaviors and what to do instead. Know that the long-range goal of good discipline is to help a child become a self-disciplined adult. Begin by modeling to your child the type of person you would like him/her to be. Make a commitment that in your home all discipline is hands-off and nothing you say or do to your children will involve shame, humiliation or rejection.
10.Seek To Really Know And Delight In Your Child(ren): Plan at least one fun event to share with your kids every week. Regularly make a list of what you love and adore about your child(ren). Ask your child(ren) to do the same for you-there might be a wonderful surprise. Tell your child(ren) each day that they are special and you love them. Thank God every day for the blessing of your children.
Helping Young People Branch Out, While Keeping Their Roots. Parenting adolescents can be a challenging task. Adolescents are experiencing great physical, emotional and intellectual growth. It is a wonderful time, yet it can also be a disruptive time. Teenagers are moving from childhood to adulthood and reaching out for independence with skills that haven't been proven. Parents can help ease the transition and insure a positive future relationship with their teens by keeping the following information in mind. Maintain a positive outlook. Remember, adolescence is temporary, and your attitude can help your teens develop and maintain a good self image, confidence, and competence. It's normal for teens to suddenly become critical of their family. They are trying to break away and need an excuse. Enjoy helping them discover their talents and interests. Establish clear, simple rules. Your teens are experimenting, and just as you had to protect them from danger when they were young children, you need to protect them now. Part of what your adolescents need to know is that they have a responsibility to their family and community. Continue enforcing family rules, although it may be a good time to review your rules to see if they are still practical. Keep the lines of communication open. This is one of the most important tasks you have. Most teens don't know how to communicate. Really listen to them and avoid judgemental responses. Seek outside help to solve problems instead of risking the loss of your relationship with your teens. Be patient. Your teens may not be comfortable with themselves. Their bodies and emotions suddenly seem strange, and their new skills are not perfected. They may be very critical of themselves and need your support and love. Praise good behavior. Remind them that you think they are wonderful. Help them remember they are valuable people. Evaluate your own attitude. Your teens' push for independence may trigger an equal but opposite response from you. Their independent behavior may make you aware thet there isn't much time left for you to teach them everything they need to learn from you. Don't begin to lecture or become too controlling. It will only add stress to the situation. Get professional help if your teens' behavior has gotten out of control. A good counselor often is the key to helping parents and their teens get over rough spots. Remember, you are the most important influence in your adolescents' lives.
National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse:
National Center for Fathering: (Wonderful Site for Dad!!)
Parent Soup: (This site is loaded with information!)
National Parenting Center:
Positive Parenting On-line:
The Parenting Toolbox:
Political Soapbox and Causes I believe in | Returning to College|
Attention Deficit Disorder -- Information and Links|Children Are Our Future |
Physician-Assisted Suicide Paper!! | Meet my POW/MIA's |
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Some information on this page was taken from Fair Winds.